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Showing posts from May, 2023

Regardless, Love is Kind

  Regardless, Love is Kind The least likely person to hurt you, I’ve found is not a hurt person. We’ve heard in various circles, the converse. I taught our youngest recently that hurt people usually won’t hurt someone else. Let that sink in, to you the reader. There’s a difference between a nice person and a kind person. My now deceased husband pointed this out to me about a decade or so ago. I agreed. Anyone can be nice. But not everyone can be kind. You have to choose to be kind. It takes some, more effort to be kind than to be nice. It was August 2005 as I drove my dad back to my home from my Goddaughter’s christening. The drive was long and arduous. It was a Sunday afternoon, and a hot one at that. The traffic on Route 80 was quite often at a standstill that day. So, the usual near six-hour drive took an extra ninety minutes or so. The good thing was I was the driver and I have a long fuse. If it were my dad then, he would have went through a half pack of cigarettes and per

Choosing Understanding, Choosing Truth

  Hatred aimed at you is most likely not about you. It is about the person aiming hatred at you. Usually that’s what it’s about when it comes to any sort of bias. My older daughter had called me on Mother’s Day which also was the timing for her once a week call together on the phone as she was now on the west coast. We discussed her exams that have passed, others coming up, her work environment and friends. In that conversation she’d brought up something about a man we’d both known—yet had few interactions with. Her one experience was when she was age eight and her sister aged six. The man’s daughter was younger than both our daughters and was being friendly and showing her dog to them. The man yelled at his daughter as if to scold her for showing the dog to our daughters. My oldest said she felt that was odd. And that the few times she saw him, it was an odd stare in her direction that he gave. I expressed to her I’d had similar experiences concerning that man. After our oldest to

A Message to the Young Athlete

  “Kids are just not running as fast they used.” I heard a coach say over the past six weeks of recent spring track and field competitions. When I attend my youngest’s track and field meets, I pay attention to just about everything. I talk to parents from other teams, who I’ve never met before. I converse with coaches from other teams or officials, usually standing by awaiting some announcement. Sometimes kids from other teams will comment about something that seems awry. If I’m in earshot, I will converse with them about whatever it is that was their wonderment on the field or on the track.  And in that first line of this piece, that coach is correct. I’m seeing it only from a Bergen County, New Jersey standpoint. We are way down across the county in high school track and field performances, in the past decade or more. Why? I could guess. One is that the competition in academics could interfere in the latter years of high school. Yet, that is a must to survive in the ‘real world’

The Prude

  In the late 1960’s to early 1970’s it was happening. I was becoming a woman. Or at least that’s when I was told I could no longer run around on a hot summer’s day bare chested in our backyard with the boys—ever again. Nope girls didn’t have that privilege. I cannot emphasize the disappointment of inequality that befell me deep to my soul, as that privilege was taken away. Like a good Catholic and Lutheran daughter, I obeyed. I always did. I was ‘the goodie-two shoes’. To the point, before the age of nine my dad had begun to call me “The Prude”.   Yes, my dad called me “The Prude”. It was added to the list of nicknames people already pegged me with. On this particular Saturday, as my dad had finished lawn care he had his music playing. He’d been drinking beer, smoking weed, and now he’d held an unfiltered Lucky Strike in his hand—all while he danced and sang to Janis Joplin in our barn house living room. As I’d arrived upstairs to go to my room to play alone with my set of old m

The Hooker Tuesday

  It was a Saturday afternoon in Atlantic City when I met Tuesday. So, she said that was her name. This young twenty-something year old approached me in a prep room for fighters of the blue corner. I was helping my coach Phil Dunlap as he was getting our fighters ready.   He was wrapping the guy’s hands. And some of us were helping do pad work and the like for the MMA fighters in the room. This unabashed young woman, all dolled up—appeared looking for love in all the wrong places . As this lady of the night chummily approached me. She batted her lashes,   gave me a toothy sexy smile—as she slid into my nearby personal space. I’d just gotten a second to breathe from running errands for the team. My fight had been cancelled three days before. Two other fighters had bailed on my fight and two more couldn’t get their medicals in on time to fight me. To top it off, two days later I’d just gotten injured which was the day before I now stood in front of Tuesday. I’d gone hard Friday night a

Happy Cynical Mother's Day!

So, we give mom a day. No matter the age of her children, she gets a day. No wait. Kind of like ten hours of… No wait. Okay six hours. Uh. No wait. Okay, four hours? Not happening. There’s going to be an argument—or not. Or the dishes and mess in the kitchen will be promised to be cleaned by some imaginary cleaning persons. Probably not. Take mom out for pancakes. Wait she’s on a gluten-free diet. Maybe she’d like to sleep-in. Maybe she’ll want to get a twenty-mile run in. But then remember, you just must cater to the older mothers in the family. If you don’t do that then—the party’s over. Someone may give you the cold shoulder. Perhaps hold the petty grudge for a week or a lifetime—whichever comes first. Oh, trust me. Women in general have these jealous feelings and within their family schematic they don’t usually hold back. And if you’re not the mother of the other mothers or dads and you, ehhh hmmm ‘call-in’ sick for Mother’s Day. You will be called, gossiped about, condemned, o

Teacher of the Century

          My second writing wave were ages eleven to thirteen. It was at a time in my life that I so wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, “STOOOPPPPPPP!” It was aimed at the cruelty of the world. Or rather I should say the dismissiveness of the lesser, the poor, the helpless. Yes, that was and is me. I’m still that same being. So the other night as I prayed for people, for my family, for self, for our household. These thoughts arose over and over again, in between my prayers and meditations. At those ages I referred to, I was in my middle school years. I kept diaries those years somewhat regularly.     One of those years, I was tremendously blessed with this language arts teacher, Ms. Beltrami. She was frail, and kind. She appeared sickly. But inside all of that, I saw reserve and gentleness in her.   I only wanted her to be happy.   I saw inside her soul. Sometimes, people let me do that.    And other times I’m gifted that view from another source. Even if I don’t want to see what

The Strange Interlude

  The Strange Interlude “I know what I want to be when I grow up.” I remarked to Meg at the local nursery after I’d purchased some violas and a shrub. She smiled, “When you grow up. I like that.” I nodded, “Yeah. I’m starting a new career. I know very little.” We said good-bye and then I exited the shop into the parking lot. Now nearly three years have passed since I’d become a single parent and a widow. It’s a strange interlude. The pandemic shutdown revamped my life a bit. My business of nearly thirty years took a big hit—but I was ready to let it go for a while or forever. Whichever came first. I wasn’t concerned. And if I was, I didn’t know it. Upon dissection of that, it was because I’d survived so much. I’d always, we’d always worked to our max and perhaps beyond our potential my husband and I. That included perhaps uncountable tasks we’d achieved whether we knew it or not. Many things have changed. However, there were quite a few things that have remained the same. I’ve tr

How Rape Effects Your Whole Life

  How Rape Effects Your Whole Life Today, I admitted something I’d never admitted to anyone before. However, I did to an acupuncturist, who’s a man who has known me since 1996. He told me during the treatment today that my issue appeared more of an esoteric nature, perhaps what may be described as metaphysical. He thought at first I may not agree that my issue was no longer orthopedic. I explained I was in his vein of thinking, I agreed as I stated, “No matter the therapy, a victim of Rape will not get completely past the victimization of such a crime. And at times the rage I feel inside me, I could fill three armies with. No therapy erases that.” This brings me to the current civil case involving E.Jean Carroll. As I follow the E.Jean Carroll’s civil case against Donald J. Trump I can say I understand her trauma. The gut punch that she has felt when she has had to bring up her sexual assault. Sexual Assault by the way is a prettier name for Rape. The word Rape stares you down. It