There’s a difference between a violent death and a death of acceptance. A violent death is as you watch what is happening to you. As much as you know it’s coming, you still witness it only as an outsider. It’s too intense to stay inside the vessel that is being assaulted. I know I’ve been there. A death of acceptance is one, where you know your time is short. Before you lay down, you know that if you wake up still in this operating vessel then you have lived another breath or so. You breath in such a way that the pattern is unhurried. There’s no rush, you just breathe. Your breath becomes slower and slower; and then you’re asleep. Perhaps you dream dreams and then either wake up or not. Somehow, I know I’ve been there. This is perhaps because I have an exceptionally low pulse. I have had a low pulse nearly all my life. I became aware of it by age ten. Then I would test it. I was compelled to test the control of my pulse as to not have to take asthma and bee sting medicat...
Yesterday was a sad day for the purple tank top. I'd received it when I arrived at the Roseland 5K Race in June of 1995. I'd worn it proudly as often as possible on my training runs thereafter. I'd won the race that day and set the women's course record. Which astonished me. I wasn't all that fast after going through the first mile in 5:07, I knew I'd pay. I had an added pain going into the race. I felt as if someone put crazy glue and duct tape inside my right groin, let it set for an hour and then ripped off the duct tape. It was that raw, scraping feeling. Only to find out later in the one doctor's office I knew was available on an early Saturday afternoon. "Jody, you have shingles. Didn't you see the blisters in your groin?" I replied, "Well I saw 2 small things, but didn't even think of it last night. And this morning I was too mentally busy getting ready for the race. I had no clue." 1995 was already a running disaster. Yet ...