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Showing posts from November, 2020

"My Mind to Your Mind."

  “Your Mind to My Mind.”   We laid in bed that Thanksgiving Day 2019. I thought then and spoke, “I’m sorry it’s you and not me, Norman.” It was a silent moment as awake as we were, staring stunned at the bedroom ceiling in disbelief. I’d finally spoke about how I felt about the world. The world I knew he was leaving soon, and I would still be here. I remarked, “My mind to your mind. It is not to take away the truth Norman. It is to take away your pain.”   If you have watched any of the Star Trek series. Which there are at least I’m going to guess, four different Star Trek series that have been developed since around 1967. The one that has a Vulcan named Spock in them. You may understand the line, “My Mind to Your Mind. Your Mind to My Mind”. If you do not. By the end of this writing you may understand the emphasis here.   Many times, in my life I have wanted to heal people who were quite ill. So, my tool earlier in life was prayer, positive thoughts, and mental imagery. It

Looking Back Now... It Was Tough For Him to Smile

  Day Three …As We progress into those thoughts we had on the diagnosis and passing of a loved one… “I couldn’t believe you didn’t say anything. You just stood there, raised a brow and kept playing solitaire on your kindle.” He wondered. I replied, “Well, no one is going to listen to me. Especially, when what I have to say will keep them from making millions of dollars off a desperate soul. So, I just dummy-up and let them think I’ve accepted their unscrupulousness. What are you gonna’ do. Huh?” I shrugged. That was one of the many conversations I had after each visit my husband had, at what many consider a topnotch medical group in the ‘Big City’. They make millions on people’s desperation.   They won’t try and consider that maybe the patient doesn’t want to be throwing up, drugged up, unable to go outside for a walk, or unable to do certain chores. That medical group does harm. That big conglomerate violated the ‘Do No Harm’ efficacy of medicine. And it was blatant. Why? Becaus

Abandonment to Adaptation...his preliminary diagnosis what we can teach others a year later.

                                                                                                       Part One… a year after his first preliminary diagnosis…what I gained. So, this I knew the answer... I knew my answer... for me on November 23 rd , 2019. However, not theirs’...the children. The question was, how were the children going to mourn another loss?  They never knew their biological parents...so now what? One of another set of parents was dying right before their eyes... Recently, I explained this double to quadruple abandonment phenomena to a friend in the medical field and a couple relatives over phone conversations.  To some, it was to help them understand what their children were going through in this time of COVID when parents get divorced, move to a new town, and the like. Currently, there truly has been more of a hindrance because of COVID. Parents must learn this.  Even parents of young adults in college. Very few young adults understand fully the r

This Day Marks...

  When it’s a tough road to hoe… Today. Tonight , in fact marks the evening of the end of a portion of our family as we knew it. I had a wicked day of work that day/evening. I had just finished rolling fairly hard in jujitsu class. Leftovers were to be warmed for the night’s meals. This day last year landed on a Friday before the beginning of a new year, a leap year at that. I stood in the ladies’ bathroom/dressing room after my Jujitsu class at Silver Fox BJJ in Butler.   Jess was at the front desk at the time. Enrique was in. Sean was in and he and I had discussed about when he was going into Marine Corps bootcamp. I realized I’d rolled some extra time with the second evening class and couldn’t wait to get home. I held my five-year old phone in my hand trying to see if my husband had messaged me. As I was about to message him, the phone went flying out of my hand landing facedown on the hard tile of the floor. It shattered the screen of the phone.   And for the first time in my

When Cars Were CARS...

As much as I like big trucks... or rather did as a child, more so... I was afraid to get my driver's license. I had a friend when I was a teenager who had the same fear. Her name was Margaret. It was clearly the power behind the motor, that made me love big trucks and I wanted to drive them someday. As well, perhaps… Yes, I’ll say it… I loved being out for a run as a teenager …ehhh hmmmm…as well as an adult…(but you didn’t hear that from me)… on a local street and giving the truck driver the admirable, ‘Honk Your Truck Horn, Please’ sign. They’d acquiesce, seemingly every time. It always pleased me so. I digress… So, here I was, this kid who wanted to drive big trucks. Yet, I was afraid to get my driver’s license. Quite a quirky pickle, I’d say. Finally, after a few months of being seventeen, my mother demanded me to go for the driver’s test and get my license. She would drive me there for the test. For she needed me to help her. She a single mother with a three-year old, my youn

Cruelty Reckoned

  Every day I walked to school; then back home for lunch… then back to school, then back home for the day. For those nearly three years of middle school, I wondered what would happen next. I wondered who would step in and save me from being trashed, stolen, ridiculed for no reason, other than I was a ‘good girl’, the ‘ ditch-digger’s daughter ’. Other than my mother was too ill to associate in the social intricacies of the small town, a Peyton Place , if you will… Where such social intricacies and gossip mattered. They said they were Christians. Yet they didn’t act like it, even those who went to church… I couldn’t enter the church without ridicule…I saw hypocrisy, and went elsewhere… And then, there was my dad being a brute to not just the members of our family; yet, to people in the town who got on his nerves or who he thought were pansies.  Little did I know, I had not a snowballs’ chance in hell to be saved from ridicule, neither from harm. So, I prayed every moment I could. I aske