A nurse, who's no longer alive, she would be about my age now. She had bought me the DVD of the said movie. I became a tad obsessed watching it over 15 years ago after she'd brought it to me as a gift for Christmas/Hanukkah. We celebrated both. I think I've watched it not quite ten times.
What drew me to do so years ago wasn't just the acting. It was deeper. It was what I knew, somewhat understood about humanity. Yet at the same time, couldn't wrap my mind around it. It? It, is bigotry, ergo: racism, bullying. Those things in life that not all experience. Many ignore it out of trauma or perhaps convenience.
As I write my Memoir and am pushed to dig deep, be detailed, bringing the reader into my world. I wonder not on who will read it. But on, will the reader understand a life that is filled with betrayal of one's own blood? Will the reader understand the depth of what could be considered innocence thwarted? Will it bring up the reader's 'Ah Haaa' moment in their lives? Or will the reader understand various forms of love? Or the distortion of what another thinks is being love? Perhaps it may help heal the burdens of bullying one had experienced. That's one of my hopes. Or the ignorance of parents, too conflicted to love their children, properly? Do those lost parents truly know love and how to express it? And is there any proper way as a parent, to love their children? I wondered much and still do.
Going back to, "I'm tired boss..." Yes, "I'm tired boss", were the thoughts I've had often in my life since at least age 17. It was that summer as my parent's divorce was still not final.
I'd driven to where I'd worked as a secretary for The Bergen County Parks Commission. First, as a secretary for Finance and then I was needed in Engineering. My typing skills were fairly decent.
I was quiet, sipped coffee inbetween pages of typing. Making certain there were no errors. Or if there were, either start all over again or somehow erase those typed mistakes. I did not want to let anyone down. Especially, the higher up boss, Mr. McFaul. Yes, that's how old I am. That's if you know who he was over 46 years ago.
One day I felt as if my whole life was dragging. Its not like I'd been impatient. I was exhausted and continued to feel alone as I helped mom with my baby sister. She, thirteen and a half years my junior. This whilst earning enough to pay my mother's mortgage. Never mind the insurmountable worrying I did back then for what was becoming the diminished family of five, now three. I was consumed with that and focusing on my 18th birthday, so I could finally serve my country as a US Marine. I'd envisioned this dream since I could remember. I was so hell bent on that. I really didn’t care much about my living. Back then, I wanted to be used in a more meaningful way. I wanted women to be seen as formidable, as equals. I'd felt the inequality before age 5. By the time I was nearing six months into my fifth year, I witnessed something else. Bigotry, unenviable hatred towards others who weren't white. It was the assassination of Martin Luther King in April 1968. I can say after that moment, which had a forever impact upon me, life became a daunting task, that's if you desired equality for everyone and anyone.
After that, I'd always wondered how those who weren't white were supposed to live, looking over their shoulders, knowing the hatred that had been as old as way beyond my years, centuries or so.
Fast-forward to today, for the umpteenth time, especially recently I look outside from my kitchen window, my knowing the hatred in the world seems to have been allowed to increase and say, "I'm tired boss."
People in the USA have stopped being more educated as they age. It used to be that parents took time out as they'd aged and read adventurous or historical stories, some fiction and some nonfiction.
I understand wanting to take a mental rest and watch some television. I love watching sports, the NFL is usually my most favorite to watch, aside from documentaries and nature shows; however, that's after I've gotten some reading in, exercise, chores, work at the end of the day. Watching television is a treat. Its like going out to eat. Which now people appear to go out to eat or order in, rather than meal plan for the week. By the way, when you get into the habit of meal planning its cheaper and healthier than ordering in or going out to eat. Trust me on this.
In all this having information thrown out at you, instead of you seeking such has become a big part of our nation's problem. People have decided that they don't need to remain investigative. They're taking things at face value to heart. Its that laziness by people who should know better. We know better. Those that don't, aren't willing to step outside their little box of living. If it doesn't fit into their old views, its deemed unpatriotic; however, they have been unwilling to accept progress where all are equal and Healthcare could be readily available to all families in this country of ours.
They have decided to remain just as corrupt as the elected officials they'd voted for, who want power and serve only themselves to gain wealth. They were supposed to serve the people of our locale, state and nation. Instead, they've brought in unelected wealthy persons to destroy most of our futures and the future of the positives of being progressive towards equality.
Yes, we will always have to fight hatred. But it appears most of you are too lazy to fight. You're too worried about what your neighbors think or who they might be. You're worried about being enslaved and ruled by the very people you've harmed. Most of them aren't here for that. Damn it, they just want to live in peace, like 90% or so of us desire to. I'm tired boss, because of the racism, because of the raping of girls and women by those who go unpunished with solid prison terms, because of the white man's need to always rule, because of the greed hypocritically covered up as some biblical creed which is truly not being abided by. Its used transitionally by men to gain power and for other men in general out of fear and laziness to forge ahead to a new way of thinking. As my now deceased husband would've said, "You stupid, stupid people. You sold your soul and gave away your Healthcare because you didn't want someone else to have it too." He'd realized on that election night in 2016 that the people of the USA made the gravest mistake in electing a white man who cared about noone but himself to our highest office.
My husband was probably the most forgiving person I'd known. Me, may be not so much to the people who stuck their heads in the sands of bigotry. I'm tired boss... ---Jody-Lynn Reicher
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