Who's Eyes...

As I watched the sunrise this morning just after five; then again I took a peak at the same view from our front door 90 minutes after house chores. I wondered, who witnesses what I do? Who sees this view as I have and do currently? What will become of this instance?

I've asked those questions to myself for most of my life. Those mental camera shots. Who else has that same exact view as if we had a camera together, right at that moment?
I take pictures in my mind everyday. Sometimes I take them on my phone, which appear more permanent. Yet, is what I'm witnessing exactly the same for anyone else? My thoughts on this are perhaps each moment is private. Not one person will witness or feel this very picture in its moment. That is regardless of how well I aim my phone's camera. Even with the best lense, not one other person in the world will be with me on this journey. And this is how infinitesimal and private our journeys are.
I could compare these experiences to a converse less loving feeling of bullying. We can witness the remains of a conflict, a war. We may witness a classmate being bullied, domestic violence, or some other unpleasant scenery. But we are not them experiencing the reality of the situation in those moments. We either ignore the unpleasantries, or we take part in them, through what we think is self-preservation or sheer naivety. Or we stop the bullying in the moment. Yet we cannot feel and witness the victim's view as if we were the victim. Yes, we may have a sense of how it must feel, but not the scarring of the aftermath placed as a burden on the victim.
I'd wondered also, what has brought me to think like this since childhood. I now realize as reminded by a friend the other day. She, who'd only known me a handful of years. That I survived and thrived under circumstances that most would not have been able to be successful, nor sane, neither remaining kind and compassionate throughout their lives. Yet, I have pulled it off.
Upon much reflection, I am amazed at my insight and where I came from to have a successful marriage, business and so forth. I'd commented to another friend last night as he's pushed me to write a Memoir, that every time I have attempted to get to another level its been a fight to either stay alive or to keep pushing. I get knocked down hard and push back. Something is always pulling me back from achieving certain goals. Nothing I've attempted has ever been easy. Even daily I reckon as if being held down. I fight against any will to stop me.
Whatever I've accomplished, I do not despise those who've accomplished more. Even if my goal was reached by them not I. That too is a wonderment, how others cannot view their journeys just as theirs and not someone else’s.  No matter what we want individually, whether we accomplish it or not, we cannot grab someone else's coattails to drag them back. If we do, we lose a part of our goodness, our soul. And that is the ultimate evil we've done to ourselves and society. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher