Surviving with Innocence

 "Oh God! He was so innocent." I mumbled to myself as I'd gotten into the first chapter of "Born Survivors" by Wendy Holden. The ongoing debate He was unwilling to see my side as truth 42 years ago, then the last time I brought it up over 20 years ago. I wondered why, but then I gave up the one debate I knew was the truth, it was about how we in the United States needed to quash hatred and how to go about doing so.

This morning I was forced to reflect back on one thing that he had no longer wanted to view with me, documentaries on the Holocaust. 

Yes, my Jewish husband had to stop watching them about 20 years ago. I had to view them alone in our living room after he and kids had gone to bed. I can say I didn't wonder why, it was disturbing. Yet I forced myself to watch the known horrors unfold in the documentaries I'd watched. 

My husband could watch certain scary movies with our oldest, like "Alien", "Poltergeist"; however, I couldn't and neither could our youngest view them. I knew I'd have nightmares if I watched any fake horror shows. But watching episodes of documentaries on the Holocaust whether be it involving Jewish genocides, Armenian genocides, Native American genocides and so forth I could handle. I could handle the private conversations of women and detectives describing in-person or on the phone the details of horrendous crimes committed and some unsolved rapes and murders in great detail with my having no sleep disturbance afterwards. I have no clue why. 

I wondered this morning what it was that so disturbed my husband? It was as I began to read "Born Survivors" this morning I began to cry. I had to put the book down. I'd realized that although he and many members of his family I'd met since late 1981 had been spared from being in Europe during the Holocaust and even prior to it. Many of his family members had arrived in the United States before the 20th century and some a little before the first World War. 

I realized that he as well as they knew how fortunate they'd been to avoid that scourge of human history. Not that they'd never been chased, or harmed here in the United States by bigots because of their being Jewish. I do remember only 40 years ago a few stories of my husband being threatened because someone at a bar or some outside company function was being antisemitic. I'd ran into it, lost friendships because I was marrying a Jewish man. Particularly one friend who'd been a best childhood friend. Catholic bosses' frowned upon me. Conversely Jewish bosses embraced me.

Too, I remember in 1989 what my Shiska-vibe told me that a company wouldn't allow my husband's promotion due to him being Jewish. 

Funny enough, he'd kept his Jewish-ness to himself. There were no outward appearances of my husband being Jewish. So, later that day I expressed to him that they wanted to destroy his chances of him being promoted as earlier in the day he'd introduced me to his district and regional managers. Eight months later, he found out the cold, hard truth that his Catholic wife was correct. And as I'd been suggesting since 1982 for him to go back to college to get another degree and that I'd support us. I saw the brilliance, interest and innocence in his being. After that, he'd taken up my idea in 1990. He, a well-read man fit right in as a full time student, initially going to two universities for a year then switching to staying full time at one for three more years and ending up with a new career that he felt rewarded in.

Going back to his innocence, As I'd dug in deep to read "Born Survivors", what I'd realized that disturbed him so was the inhumanity of people. The realization that all this genocide was practically gotten away with and still existed. He knew it, he just didn't want to hold it too close to himself. I get that. I understood his fears he rarely spoke of. He feared my resolution of which he felt could hamper our first amendment. Yet decades ago, I said, "We are all at risk. I knew this when I was age ten. We need to prohibit hate marches of Nazis." Decades later just prior to my husband's passing I began to witness a righteous movement of taking down confederate general's statues in our country. I yelled, "Its about damn time! Damn all you bigots!" I knew I would be the least loved for that; however, that is the fire that burns within me. Its the hope that bigotry fails and that love for all humanity prevails.---Jody-Lynn Reicher