I Expect the Apology

 

... that I may not receive. By now I've figured out who the enemies of our democracy are. Yes, its the current occupiers of our white house, majority of those in the house and the senate. But wait there's more. Its people I'd considered part of my inner circle, and they are no longer there. Some still think we have a connection, but we don't.  

I've always been leary of most. There's a fragmented position in friendships. I'll explain. 

Most people who are my friends don't know it. And there have been many who thought I was their friend, but I wasn't. I have had so many people fooled into believing I was for them to the point others later said privately, "I thought you guys were tight. Like you knew everything about them."

The answer has been a collage of "No." Or perhaps, "Maybe". Its usually not confirmed to another. My husband was the only one who'd known the extensions of my friendships and how I'd actually felt in any relationship. He'd also known when I was burned caring too much by staying in another's toxic fire too long. And even so, I let him know that many friendships could be cut off on a dime. I'd made that look easy. Like ripping a bandaid off a scarred up wound. 

There are instances I've slowly pulled away. Nowadays, the one thing that will divide a relationship in my world, is my suspicion that you are a racist in anyway. 

When I'd recently heard the words come from someone I suspected as racist. It arrived like this, "...Jim Crow was better for the black people..." 

I would say right there, I'd known that they felt their whiteness was at risk. I also knew when they'd used language in calling someone dumb, because of their gender, their color, etc... That was at the very least hateful. The person/racist did not have to say that a person was dumb because of their gender, color or what have you. It was in the sequence of their words to me, that I'd picked on it.

I wondered as they spoke, 'where are they going with this?'. 

One thing I know, there is nothing reasonable about racism. Nothing. There's no comeback. There's no excuse. Its not a gray area. Its their choice and its a reflection of their soul ruled by their ego and their fear. 

And I do expect an apology from them. Too, there are quite a few who I've disowned as friends and many just don't know it. It is as they've masqueraded as a knowledgeable, lover of all regardless of race, gender and so forth. Yet that is far from the truth of who they are. However, I'm fairly certain that I won't get an apology from them. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher