Commonality, Fear and Loneliness

Today, I called up a lawyer friend. I had called for an answer to a question and knew she would answer me with total truth. She would not worry about hurting my feelings. I awaited her rebuttal on my thought process on something I finally stated publicly. And I'd held off doing so. She told me what I thought and said was correct. 

Then she asked what I've learned from the graduate course on English writing and editing mostly for law students out of University of Michigan. And on the VotingMatters.org courses on how to speak amicably in a non-partisan way. How to understand where people are at in their thinking and lives. I asked, "For Real? You want me to give you a lesson?" She replied, "Yes." So, I proceeded. I.gave this recent example that actually occurred:

Yesterday, as a maintenance worker for my home's heating system was in for our twice a year check-up. Somehow I found out he'd lived in Southern California for.many years. Primarily in San Diego. His family was now mostly living in West Virginia. He's always been in construction much of his working life. At age 66 he says that he is ready to start working part-time in doing the type of heating and air conditioning maintenance he's currently in full-time. For his arthritis is taking its toll on his psyche. 

I also figured he'd made okay money. Yet, I realized he'd never really had a family of his own. Like he was not married and perhaps not having raised children. 

As he was checking a filter in my furnace room he exclaimed he didn't like California. He gave a political reason that I knew was not relative, nor on point. 

What occurred next, was only what a horror show turned into a surprisingly pleasant unexpected situation we could only have dreamed of as an end result, in our current political environment. 

But first, I had to talk him down off his pile of fear and loneliness. 

"God and Country." He said. Yet, I knew that he had no military service. I let him know I did have military service under my belt. It was to show him that even though I am a woman, I can talk 'man to man'. I'd existed much in a man's world and flourished.in my life this far. I flourished because I don't stay offended. I realize most people do not read, whether they have a higher education or not. I realized most people are reluctant to change their minds. They fear embarrassment, which is quite often a false assumption.They fear disownership from family and other relations. Embarrassment only lasts as long as you continue to give it power to keep you in the wrong. So, does such family control. Instead of making a better decision, a change in thought and or habit(s), many remain allies to their false perception/assumptions of who they are and their lack of power.

So, as the maintenance man wanted to enforce his belief based on false knowledge and lack of reading, lack in viewing various media sources, along with lacking private contemplation.

So in my wanting to first show him compassion for his beliefs I knew to show him our commonality. Then he'd sense the compassion aimed toward his state of fear of the unknown, or his misperceptions.

We began with where he could do Fact-checking on the debate. I was a little like a Fact-checking encyclopedia having read much of it the night of the debate and again the next morning. Where did each person who had debated go off into their own misleading comments, lies and so forth..And how many times on what issues had that happened. 

I repeated, "Reading is so essential. And most American adults do not read with any regularity. But we must read in order to clear the air." He said, "You know I support Israel" I remarked letting him know the history of Bibi Netanyahu.  

He couldn't say his last name. I remarked to give him power, "Just call him Bibi. Most people will know who you're speaking of. It's a tough name to remember perhaps. Now I'm going to tell you how he came to power. Who he murdered. Then I will tell you how the Israeli people were protesting against him/his policies in spring of 2023, months prior to October 7th. Then I will tell you about Yitzach Rabin." So, I told him the history of Rabin and Netanyahu. And then the current war crimes of Netanyahu and why Hamas, Hezobollah with Iran backing them attacked when they did. And that $360 billion in assets remaining in a South Korean bank. And how Iran thought they could get that money regardless of their actions. They played it wrong, but in the midst it's a damn mess. He agreed, "...a damn mess..." 

So, here we could agree it was a "damn mess" that we may not be able to understand the whole picture. Because the picture is tragic and its a mess.  

Once he heard the history of Netanyahu and Rabin, he agreed that Netanyahu had committed war crimes. Another thing we could agree on. 

Then I told him about how terrorists had plotted to disrupt our society via the head of the ADL. He saw how the tapestry of the political world was not so simple.

Yet, I repeated that people not reading in our country was a key issue. Not reading increases bigotry, reducing our capacity to be compassionate for another human being due to our unwillingness to accept differences as part of the American experiment and how our differences are a big part of America's success. 

Too, people who want to be dictators/authoritarian rulers bank on this, not reading regularly and making assumptions garnered by false perceptions. Authoritarian rulers do not want Fact-checking to be done. They want to point the finger at socialism or anything they can convince the population as anti-American. 

Meanwhile this man knew without my saying so, he was soon going to depend on what some may consider social programs... like Medicare, Social security checks after he retires. I encouraged him to get working on the paperwork, because it could be cumbersome for him. He listened. 

Then I addressed women's issues with equal balance of economic issues that if we tried to control women's bodies it would harm our economy. Too, I laid the ground work for how controlling women in any way would become an urgent need for more social programs. I explained, we've always depended on immigration in the country for those jobs most American born people aren't available to do. And that our economy depends on new thinking for innovation and with that comes increase in wealth for the general population of the country. 

In the end, he realized I was willing to listen to his worries, his physical pains, his discomfort not being near any family since 2008. And after he finished up. He asked, "Can I have a hug?" I replied, "Absolutely." We hugged I patted him on the back and said, "You're going to be okay. Just read. And hey. Are you drinking enough water?" 

Soon he was ready to depart. We thanked each other and he got in his van and then left. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher