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Maybe It's About Love

Maybe I just don't get it...

"...My father sits at night with no lights on..."---Carly Simon 

In my male-dominant mind. Dr. Suess-ish sing-songy "...go go go go on an adventure..." (George Santos' escapades gave me permission to use "ish".) I'd been accused of not being detailed enough in my writing. as my writer friend, Caytha put it to me now near twenty years ago. I knew she was correct. It's gotten a lot better, a whole bunch better. But the writing of sex scenes... Well... I'll need Caytha for that. 

"...his cigarette glows in the dark..."---Carly Simon 

Even my husband Norman could have written the simple sex scenes better than I, that I currently need in my script. And he was not a writer, but a math oriented thinker. Ala carte he was a nurturing romantic. And a sort of romantic Humphrey Bogart to his Ingrid. Otherwise, I won't go into details there. I'll let the mature audiences use their imagination.

I am someone who gets information about people, I keep it most times in some vault.

"...the living room is still. I walk by no remark."---Carly Simon 

But every once in a while when it's not too sensitive information I'll let some out. I used to give my husband some of life's information. Now without Norm, it's sometimes released into my storytelling and or my writing of screenplays.

"...I tiptoe past the master bedroom way..."---Carly Simon 

Norm had asked, "How do you get information out of guys?" I'd replied, "Well, I don't know. We'll just be running, wrestling, or fighting and then like BAM! Information overload, so I can only listen."

Norm would comment, "Yeah. I get it. But I know they're being honest with you." I'd shrug, "I guess they trust me. And I really want to hear their stories. So, I listen." 

"...My mother reads her magazines..."---Carly Simon

Years later, after those queries to me. Norm stated, "You know what turned me on about you?" He'd paused. Then he'd add. "When we first dated, you asked me about myself. You actually were interested in what I was about and you listened."  I think back to that now. As well, three of my coaches all wondered how I got Information on people on our teams.

"...I hear her call, 'Sweet Dreams'. "---Carly Simon 

Men yep. I remember Tom Fleming thirty-three years ago saying to me, "So how was your run with Mike last night?" I'd replied, "It was great! He took me up to the thing called Upper Mountain. It was teeming out but he was interesting." Tom came back with, "What do you mean?" I replied, "Well, you know he cooks. And he actually gave me a recipe. We talked about cooking octopus." Tom was stunned, "Mike never talks. That's crazy." I responded, "Well, he did to me for our eight mile run in the storm." Tom found out the next year that with me running behind the men that the two least talkative guys, Mitch and Mike chatted up a storm by four miles on our 9.7 mile loop. Mitch and I'd also had tea together at Willie's Diner a couple times and chatted for over an hour. Tom was stunned.

"...But I forget how to dream...:---Carly Simon

Then another coach Phil Dunlap asked, "How did you get that information on him?" I replied, "Well, he stopped and got water. And he just started telling me about his custody battle with his ex. And well you know, it can be brutal. Hey, a guy's got to talk to someone." I shrugged. 

"...But yah say it's time we moved in together..."---Carly Simon 

Another time Phil said, "You know so much, the police who are looking for some guy in the gym. I bet you know where he is." I replied, "Not that I do, but I could suggest where that guy is right now or where he just was in general." Next day officer walks in to train. Phil and he are across the mats from me. Officer asked, "Hey Jody, any idea where so and so is?" I asked, " Well, three weeks ago he was here wrestling with me. Now? Place I don't know. But I can guess where he's been. You might want to call those state troopers in ...... I bet he's in trouble there." 

"...And raise a family of our own you and me...:---Carly Simon 

A couple weeks later ... Officer in gym a little perturbed. I go into Phil's office, "So, what's doin'?" Phil replies, "You were right. They have to send him to the state you suggested before they can charge him up here. How did you know?" I replied, "Well, I guessed. I was kidding the guy and he revealed something by lieing to me. I laughed. He laughed. Then we continued to train." I shrugged.

"...Well thats the way I've always heard it should be..."---Carly Simon

The other day, another running friend Dante called me. We hadn't spoken on about four months. Which is our usual. He coached me in UltraRunning from 2001 through 2008. And he like my husband, Norman convinced me eventually that I should try to go become a fighter in mid 2009.

"You want to marry me, we'll marry..." ---Carly Simon 

Although Dante and I think much alike, again his wonderment of how I knew certain things or reveal certain situations to him. I think I've stunned him at times with what I know, or the depth of thoughts I have on subjects. 

I've had other friends and acquaintances, mostly men. This is due to my attitude. An attitude I've held for nearly all my life. 

"...My friends from college, they're all married now..."---Carly Simon 

I remember mind-strategist Dan. He one day declared that the reason why I had a successful marriage despite tragedies, was because I was so male-dominated in my thoughts. I may be brutal, but I'm concise. So, that's why there's a song about me

"...They have their houses and their lives..."---Carly Simon "

 The song was made up during my 60 mile run that was to be solo. However, Tommy B. Al, Steve, Christine and Wayne arrived for a 20 miler, so I knew I'd been running for about 30 miles already. And I was getting growlier (if there is such a word). Wayne and Tommy B. picked it. Tommy B already had a name for me. But Wayne added another, and the two of them sang it as we ran. I told Tom Allen that story just the other week out for a late lunch.

"...They have their silent noons, Tearful nights, Angry dawns..."---Carly Simon 

I snickered. Tom Allen said, "I can see that." I asked, "FMJ?" He bantered back, "Yes." I realized I'm more revealing sometimes than I even know.

I reminisced recently about how strangers, men told me about their jail time. Most were downtrodden. They were ashamed. Too, men some who are no longer alive revealed their drug and alcohol addictions to me. As well, they too felt shame.

"...Their children hate them for the things they're not..."---Carly Simon 

Others though who'd never been addicts of drug nor alcohol that I've known of, have died or been injured severely by either not believing in medicine. Or believing either in medicine or the lies they were taught by medicine. 

"...They hate themselves for what they are..."---Carly Simon 

I had another dear friend who also was brilliant, who'd passed too early because he too believed the way I did. Yet he was torn and died during a procedure they promised would fix him. He was not so sure. He'd told me so and I never told anyone. Not even my husband who'd known him, knew.

"...And yet they drink, they laugh. Close the wound, hide the scar..."---Carly Simon 

I'd listened to many other men in my presence. I knew their fears, their insecurities. Some feared their mothers disapproved of them because they were gay. I told them that their fear was natural and that their mother would still love them. I'd expressed, "You're successful. You care deeply. You want to be settled. Moms are funny creatures. But it's a high chance she will accept you and your choices..."

"...But yah say it's time we moved in together. And raise a family of our own you and me. Well thats the way I've always heard it should be. You want to marry me, we'll marry..." ----Carly Simon  

As Tom Allen and I continued our conversation over lunch. He reminisced on guys that were runners who'd died. Tough guys, many passing before age 75. And some before age 70. I thought for a bit. What was he telling me? 

"...You say we can keep our love alive..."---Carly Simon 

Today, I lay in a bed half empty. I know no one will replace that space next to me. It's a choice. Norm always thought there were two people in the world who could be one's lover. But I am the anomaly. Not me. I was just lucky to ever have a relationship with anyone, let alone be married. 

"Babe - all I know is what I see..."---Carly Simon 

Norm and I were so different. Yet the same. But he was the most innocent, which I am Grateful for. I lay in bed revisiting how I told him on December 25th four years ago that for Christmas it should be me dieing, not him. He needed to witness completion, happiness of fullness of all life could bring.

"...The couples cling and claw. And drown in Love's debris..."---Carly Simon 

Not mine I was happy, but I'd witnessed enough suffering, tragedy, and sadness in other's lives and mine.

"...You say we'll soar like two birds through the clouds...---Carly Simon 

I wondered if we'd soared like two birds through our clouded times. I felt it was jumbled, yet too quick for us to notice.

"...But soon you'll cage me on your shelf...---Carly Simon 

There were times I felt others had caged me. But Norm had said, "If you love something enough, you set it free. If it comes back to you it was meant to be." God! I initially hated that saying.

"...I'll never learn to be just me first. By myself..."---Carly Simon 

Then for some crazy reason, I figured it out. Although over 40 years ago the off switch to marriage and any form of companionship was turned on. Go figure.

"...But yah say it's time we moved in together. And raise a family of our own you and me. Well thats the way I've always heard it should be. You want to marry me, we'll marry..." ----Carly Simon  

So, here we are. And you're not here in the physical realm and I'm still married to you. It's because I choose such. I'm still your secret Mrs. Clint Eastwood and Mrs. George Carlin.---Jody-Lynn Reicher 






 






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