I thought of this phrase ‘no where’ as I lay in bed the eve
of January 1st sliding into the second day of 2023. Then when I
awoke hours later in the morning of the second day, and there was nothing there
about that idea. Originally I’d had the idea to write about ‘no where’. In the
morning I typed ‘no where’ onto my laptop and saved the title. Which at the
time was going… ‘no where’.
I set it aside to work on other film ideas and the like.
Even that was beginning not to pan out. So, I went for a run, folded laundry;
then settled in, to find that ‘no where’ was not what it had been at one in the
morning. I listened to a filmmaker. Then called a friend who’s a writer and
producer. Alas, she too was in some sort of odd transition in her creativity.
This morning ‘no where’ came to mind. The night before it
started with the thought, where am I? If I was something, who had I been?
Had I been somewhere, and now I was void of being that somewhere? I felt no
where. No where is where I’ve always been. You can be something. But that
something is gone when you are around people who either don’t recognize you are
there. Or are too filled with their own self-loathing that only hatred abounds
out to the world from them. And your something matters not.
Actually your presence irritates them. It’s as if your
somewhere aggravates their no where. Little do they know we are all no where
and somewhere at different times in our lives. Some suffer more with who they
were, who they’ve become and who they are now. Some people do transitions
eloquently. With not even a butterfly’s winged ripple across a pond. They blend
so well, that you didn’t know that either wind or butterflies existed.
This morning as I watched the beginning of four days of rain
tap my kitchen window. I realized I’d witnessed a similar weather pattern
twenty-eight years ago. And how back then, I’d felt being a new fulltime
massage therapist. Whereas I’d just walked away a few months before from a more
potentially lucrative paying job in a financial budgets and planning
department. I was liked. I had great
bosses. And I was paid well. The work was worthy.
But due to an assault I had to change my career. Because
standing was the option for me to have less pain. Yes, I changed my career path
because of pain. I was considered old for making such an entry, compared to
others around me. Hec, my boss was about twenty-one years old, running a shop
inside a fitness gym. Here I was nearly thirty-two years old at an entry level
position. I knew I’d never belong and didn’t care. I’d always taken orders from
others most my life. I saw it as an
opportunity for growth, listening to others. Doing what needed to be done, no
As I worked back then, I’d come and work for free often to
build up clientele. Yes, on weekends and holidays too. Besides I always liked
to work. It’s who I was, had been and perhaps always will be. Making myself
useful because I was never a something. Quite often felt no where and knew I’d not
ever truly belong. So, the night before last I realized that I was always no where.
I wondered what brought me to that thought that night. Then
I realized it wasn’t just intuition. It was, I reckoned how many of us do not regularly
recognize that we just may not be the only world of ‘people’ with souls. That
there are capacities for us and others beyond our wildest imaginations that I believe
exist. And they exist somewhere, we cannot see them with our naked eyes. And
our arrogance, our religions, our society tells us that our arrogance and their
arrogance are correct.---Jody-Lynn Reicher