Skip to main content

She's Not Getting Over It.

There are times I want to just blurt out, "You have no idea what rape is! You haven't experienced it!  Belittling someone who's been through it, is truly something you should go to hell for. Yes. We, the raped would love to hide. But that would be a disservice to those who've been victimized...and to those who may be raped in the future. NO! We don't get over it! Neither will we.  So, get over your discrediting negatives you hold against us."

In speaking with someone today on the realities of rape which she was unaware of. I gently explained the process a victim goes through with the law. From victim's statement to discovery to indictment and beyond.

Then I described, what she also didn't know about losing relations, friends... How people avoid the victim.  Too, how the victim is pinned as the criminal. Yes we feel that.  Yes, this is what still happens. It doesn't matter what or how the rape transpired, it's still rape.

The other fallacy, is 'closure'. Let me wise-you-up: There is none... even if you win in court. You are still damaged. And it's permanent. Some physical, which is often misdiagnosed and/or ignored. It's exhausting. All encompassing. Especially, facing the rapist in court.

The victim's life is upended and many times never to be recovered.  The push pull of love and hate. Of wanting to be heard and wanting to hide away forever remains decades later. Yes, even after intensive cutting edge counseling, the damage is done and it remains.

There are changes that if the victim is capable of making them, It still is at a cost to them. To dig themselves out of the hole the crime has put them in.

I wish someone would tap into someone like me to hear the truths about rape, child molestation and the like.

But you see, no one wants to know the truth. Because then we would have to face fixing it. We would have to disassemble some in power. Some friends, relatives and so forth. Because it is painful for them... we avoid doing the right thing. 


Yet, women and children remain treated as second-class citizens in our patriarchal old guard. To me, and for our society to advance, we need to change that. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Completion of Humanness

Completion of Humanness As we arrive to the completion of the first year without Norman, I had decided long before he'd passed that I would continue to do things certain things he liked yet could no longer do. I decided I would not take a day off of fitness.  I would run at least for 500 days in a row. I began that in early 2020.  I'd not be concerned with the distance I'd run. It was the very thing I convinced Norman and the thing that mattered to him, from the very first discussion we had August 11th, 1981, was fitness. I loved that he was a College Boy. He loved that I was a Marine. We tickled each other's soul with such admirations. Later fitness continued as an old discussion from 1994 ...getting outside and to run no matter what. I would say to him, "Run 200 meters, then 400 meters. If it doesn't feel good, stop. Turn around and walk back home and know you did your best. That is all you can ask of yourself." I said this,  knowing he would get dow

In My World

As I finish putting away the week's groceries, I contemplate other's lives. Aside from my two daughters,  I consider what may be other's lives.  How they have conducted their lives over the past two years.  This is a thought not unusual for me to have. Yet, it occurs more often than not. Especially  now, as the population is probably feeling ever more irked. Regarding perhaps. their illusion of any lack of their freedom. But isn't that what life is about? The illusion of who we are. What we are about. Where we stand on the planet. Who we love. And who loves us. Our significance. Couldn't we imagine if this were all just an illusion? Sounds like a "Twighlight Zone" episode, perhaps. My aim here, are the thoughts of reckoning. I'll explain why I'm claiming such a thing. For about twenty-eight years of a career in dealing with injured athletes,  pain patients, chronically ill and the terminally ill. I found that there were many people who lied to

It's About the Soul And...

  ...perhaps the soles of our shoes. My father-in-law used to say the feet are what soldiers depend on, as we do food. He said that to me in 1985 as I stood in his home office.  My husband, Norman was a shoe guy. And it was all about the soles on the shoes.  For me, the way I have stayed on my feet was soul deep. Sometimes praying every step of the way, to not fall over out of exhaustion. The approximately 170,000 miles of running, many of which Norman had witnessed or known of. He wondered how I stayed standing working on my feet all day. Only to come home, and go for a second run at midnight at times.  Often Norman would give me a lecture on good shoe care. It was about the soles of the shoes. He'd point out stitching on a shoe that was done wrong. Therefore commenting, "...giving a shoe less time of wear on this earth."  He'd remark quite often. "You have to buy good quality shoes." I have to say, there was absolutely something comedic about his shoe obse