Skip to main content

She's Not Getting Over It.

There are times I want to just blurt out, "You have no idea what rape is! You haven't experienced it!"  Belittling someone who's been through it, is truly something you should go to hell for. Yes. There are those who want to put rape in one little tiny box. And any one thing that does not sound like rape; to those the unraped will deny that the rape victim be heard. And they will deny that the raped victim was actually raped because it didn't replicate intercourse. Yes, I've heard it all. And too, it's been thrown directly at me by acquaintances and family members. All this and then some.

Some suggested that it would never happen to them, because they'd figure a better way to escape before the rape actually happened. Or as one female runner said to me, "You wouldn't have gotten injured if you just him have sex with you." Too, the prosecutor upon reading my statement then meeting me.  Told me, that my statement gave him an orgasm. I was dumbfounded, two of the detectives present were motified. One shouted his name in disgust, as if to reprimand him.

We, the raped many of us would love to hide. But that would be a disservice to those who've been victimized...and to those who may be raped in the future. No! We don't get over it! Neither will we.  So, get over your discrediting negatives you hold against us.

In speaking with someone today on the realities of rape which she was unaware of. I gently explained the process a victim goes through with the law. From victim's statement to discovery to indictment and beyond.

Then I described, what she also didn't know about losing relations, friends... How people avoid the victim.  Too, how the victim is pinned as the criminal. Yes we feel that.  Yes, this is what still happens. It doesn't matter what or how the rape transpired, it's still rape.

The other fallacy, is 'closure'. Let me wise-you-up: There is none... even if you win in court. You are still damaged. And it's permanent. Some physical, which is often misdiagnosed and/or ignored. It's exhausting. All encompassing. Especially, facing the rapist in court.

The victim's life is upended and many times never to be recovered.  The push pull of love and hate. Of wanting to be heard and wanting to hide away forever remains decades later. Yes, even after intensive cutting edge counseling, the damage is done and it remains.

There are changes that if the victim is capable of making them, It still is at a cost to them. To dig themselves out of the hole the crime has put them in.

I wish someone would tap into someone like me to hear the truths about rape, child molestation and the like.

But you see, no one wants to know the truth. Because then we would have to face fixing it. We would have to disassemble some in power. Some friends, relatives and so forth. Because it is painful for them... we avoid doing the right thing. 


Yet, women and children remain treated as second-class citizens in our patriarchal old guard. To me, and for our society to advance, we need to change that. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

2023 Holiday Letter from the Reicher's

Well, I didn't think I'd be doing a Holiday Letter this year, but here goes... The Spirit of Norm is in the air. As the wind whips with minus a true snowstorm.  In hopes the Farmers Almanac was correct, I pray to the snow gods. Rain ensued the month of December thus far. We have nearly tripled the amount of rainfall usual for December in New Jersey. And I've witnessed its treachery. Storms such as these hit us hardest in July. Then remained fairly intense through til about early October.  Our daughters are doing well, Thank God.  Their Dad would be proud of them. Our oldest Sarah, now a Junior at UCLA pursuing her degree in Chemical Engineering. She's digging the whole California scene. Which I thought it was for her. She's had some good traveling on her off times from school. For her March 2023 week off, she drove her and a few friends out to Lake Tahoe and went downhill skiing for a first in nearly 5 years. She had to rent the ski equipment.  Funny enough when

Sledging the Hammer

  "You could have a steam trainIf you'd just lay down your tracks..."---Peter Gabriel's 'Sledgehammer' lyrics. This is not the tune that lay in my mind this morning as I reminisced about yesterday's volunteers to help on trail crew.    However, as I looked up the proper definition of sledging that song popped up. I say sledging, which is my own take on swinging a hammer that we call a "Double Jack". The Single Jack is six pounds. I know that because our regular crew of five including me and one staff supervisor are handling Harriman State Park Trails, and have to carry about four of those, two shaping hammers, along with a hoist, belay bag with heavy equipment, first aid kit, double Jack, three 18lb rock bars, a lopper, three buckets, three eye to eyes, two burlap straps, two green wrapping straps, two pick Mattox, a roe hoe or two, a bar for either the two ton or one ton hoist, the feathers with pegs for splitting rocks that we drill... s

Maybe It's About Love

Maybe I just don't get it... "...My father sits at night with no lights on..."---Carly Simon  In my male-dominant mind. Dr. Suess-ish sing-songy "...go go go go on an adventure..." (George Santos' escapades gave me permission to use "ish".) I'd been accused of not being detailed enough in my writing. as my writer friend, Caytha put it to me now near twenty years ago. I knew she was correct. It's gotten a lot better, a whole bunch better. But the writing of sex scenes... Well... I'll need Caytha for that.  "...his cigarette glows in the dark..."---Carly Simon  Even my husband Norman could have written the simple sex scenes better than I, that I currently need in my script. And he was not a writer, but a math oriented thinker. Ala carte he was a nurturing romantic. And a sort of romantic Humphrey Bogart to his Ingrid. Otherwise, I won't go into details there. I'll let the mature audiences use their imagination. I am so