How to Get a Free Brown Paper Bag...in New Jersey

How to Get a Free Brown Paper Bag...in New Jersey

I know that sounds terrible. However, follow me for my literal and figurative 'sick humor'.

The other day, my daughter said, "Mom I think I should take a Covid test." Alarm bells went off in my head for seven seconds. Then I realized, perhaps two people might be effected. And only one I'd worry about. One was me, and I wouldn't worry about me. The other a family friend had just helped us out, had close contact indoors with her. 

Then I said to myself, 'This kid has such a heavy load... You know it wouldn't hurt for her to have to quarantine for a handful of days.' I giggled to myself as I moved things around in our garage, calling upstairs. "Yeah. I'll bring up a test kit." 

Seconds later, I arrived in our kitchen with the kit. "You know the routine. Right?" She replied, "Yes Mom." She went on to read the package. As I went to recount how many tests would be left. My thought is: If you have two people, double the test kits you have. Especially, going into the flu, cold and allergy (mold from raking leaves...my issue) seasons. 

Although I'm compromised, I don't concern myself with what could be all that much. It's because I take action fairly quickly. Too, because I'm compromised and a single mother, I wear a mask to most places/gatherings. 

As well, I have stopped doing much of what I love to do... wrestling, boxing, my old therapy business, etc... because I need to Stay Safe for our daughters. Especially, when one is residing at home with me. Which she is still in daily close contact with me. 

I work remotely, temporarily not getting paid. Getting paid will occur in about a year from now. 

I haven't gone to the movies in three years or more. I never really liked the theater, so that works for me. However, I saw a new movie coming out in October with Robert DeNiro, and... Oh well, I'll have to wait to see it months from now.

So now, for the laugh. I told our daughter as she tested negative. "I'm going to the drug store. I'll get a few more tests for the autumn and winter. Want anything?" She replied somewhat contented, "No." I responded, "Drink the tea. Please." I exited and drove to the drug store.

As I was to enter the drug store I put a mask on. At this point, I will say maybe 3% of people are wearing masks now in drug stores, supermarkets and the like. I don't care. It's about my being aware of my daughter's position in who she's around during School, Marching Band and Tennis. 

We are vaccinated. Aliens now, will have nothing to do with us... I'm kidding. The Zombie Apocalypse will have no effect on us, as well. If you're not at least smiling by now... You have a mental problem. Just my opinion. 

So as I enter the drug store, I realized that it's crowded. I realize as I pass ten people, to get to the 'At Home Testing Kit' aisle. No one is wearing a mask but me. I start to giggle to myself. 

I think, 'Way to clear the store out.' As I pick up At Home Covid Testing kits. I actually felt like Moses, as I traversed parting the cold, cough and flu aisle to pick up extra lozenges, 'just in case'.

What a power trip. Yes, I could see the uncertainty in their eyes. Ahhhh they felt safe. Then, I showed up.

I should have said, 'I don't have the cooties. I'm just being safe for our children and for the people that may be compromised and be in contact with.'. 

But instead, smiling underneath the mask. I said, "Excuse me." As a few froze like deer in headlights.

With my arms full, and my personal reusable bag under my arm, I made my way to the checkout counter. As I did, I was waved on to use the self-scanner. I replied, "Quite alright. No thank you."

I got to the now unnerved cashier and told her that... "I don't have the cooties, but I am just being safe. However, I did just part the Red Sea in your cough, cold and flu aisle." She smiled. And she even gave me a free brown paper bag.---Jody-Lynn Reicher