Heartache and Hope

 

Heartache...it's not what you think.  At least not for me.  This is about feeling, understanding,  compassion.  All the things I have felt humans lack quite often for one another.  The lack of it, I have witnessed it throughout my life.  That is what has thrusted me into the format of screenplays I write.  Quite often it is about awareness.  Bringing  awareness of our lack of caring. Our lack of courage.  Our selfishness of demanding ourselves to remain in our self-contained worlds. We willingly stay within our bubble. It is comfortable.
Comfort is what we want.  We don't want to step outside of our comfort zone. And pray tell, we certainly fear for our children to do so too.
Earlier tonight I had this discussion with a friend.  There were two heavy topics we discussed. One was of a medical nature.  The other was of having the experience of knowing, understanding and accepting those who seem unaccepted,  misunderstood by our society. Okay follow me.
At this point my dad would have called me a 'bleeding-heart liberal'. Because he never wanted or believed I could forgive anyone. Especially him. A self-loathing individual.   Yet, to his dismay I have been blessed as I told him seventeen years ago, "I am not blessed as an athlete, neither the brilliance of a 'Rocket Scientist'. No. Yet, my blessing was understanding and compassion which if used correctly produces the ability to be more forgiving.
What does this all have to do with Heartache? My mother actually had this ability. Yet, she did not have the access that I had to athletics,  neither an open-minded husband, like I'd had.
So, the other night I saw as I see usually once a week, on my social media tons of people in distress. Some are for real.  They are asking for hope. A miracle.  As well privately I was emailed by an old client just two weeks ago. Someone who was nearly an atheist.  She wanted prayers for a two week old baby with Covid.  And my usual, I do so. I do so and share privately that I've done so. Sometimes on public if it's a public outcry and I don't know the person completely.
Days later the baby was fine and days after that the infant was back home.  A miracle. And the atheist said,  "I was desperate.  I had to pull out all the stops.  I knew I could depend on your caring and praying for the baby.  Thank you. All is well."
Oddly enough, there was one situation in particular that touched my soul this week. Although much does. This one hit me harder. I felt an odd deeper connection.  I didn't know completely why, initially.  This week, when tragedy struck this couple losing their new infant. It nearly crushed me.
Yes, nearly crushed me. And I barely knew this couple. But then I knew why. It was because I'd heard the words of others who'd experienced such a loss. It was when I was a child when I understood this type of loss.  I witnessed what it did to those who had such a loss. It was painful.  So painful that by age six, I took this other person's loss of two children to heart.  It has never left me. And by age eleven I promised this woman, that she would never experience the loss of a child ever again.
She did not know what to say.  I told her, "I can do this. I have all the faith. All for at least the two of us." I remember the day I said this.
And so I knew it was my mission. And I did succeed. Months after she died one of her children became deathly ill. Noone, not even he knew was ill.  But I touched him, and I knew there was no saving him. He was already at death's door. 
And the next thing I knew he was in a coma and all were shocked,  except me. And yes, he never knew what hit him and died never waking up. I was at peace in that knowing zone. Knowing I did all I could. But now this couple who's baby been born two months ago and quite premature. That weighed heavy this week.  It was because I know as I told our youngest two weeks ago,  "You pray with hope, not with expectations. That's how you roll with life."----Jody-Lynn Reicher