Just as I was dozing off, my text message bell ‘tinked’. I made up that word. Because I knew, it could
only be my oldest three times zones away. No one else would have forgotten that
11:30pm was too late to text me. Yet, the timing of the ‘tink’, set off the ‘Mommy
Alarm’. Its just that. Or it’s a really, super close friend in a bind. So,
either way I’d better check the ‘tink’.
Yes, it was child number one three time zones away. So, as
adult as she’s working on being as a freshman in college, there is so much more
she needs to learn. I saw her panicked texts. I understood her premature panic.
She thought she was ripped off and now out $400. I texted to her ‘not to worry’.
She wondered how this could have all occurred. I texted her, ‘…it will be
resolved in the morning. I need to sleep’.
It’s funny, I know I’ve gone through this type of panic
phase with expenditures myself. You panic, because you want to be frugal. You
want to be secure. She wants to show maturity. And its not always that you want
to show the world you’ve matured. Yet, it’s deeper. It’s personal. My LAST
words to her will be, “If you haven’t done something before, ask me. That’s why
I am still here.” They won’t be my first words. If I were to make them my first
words, I would surely be shut out from her kingdom. Yes, laugh now. That is how
many young people trying to gain and show independence have you, their
parent(s) set up.
The setup is, “Take Suzie and I to the mall. And for God’s
Sake don’t tell any of your jokes. No stories please. And well, could you just drive
us?” Parental response, “I don’t know you. Will I get a tip at the end of the
drive?” Teenage eye roll. Parent continues, “I’m so kidding. Seriously, I’m
kidding.” Another teenage eye roll.
Back to last night into this morning, as she wore herself
down with unimaginable panic. And I’ll call it unnecessary panic. Why? I’m her
mother. It’s that simple. Most parents hopefully feel that way. Why? Because we
must. We are their fallout shelter. Yep. It’s that simple. Not a wrinkle of
panic, do we show. Because you could again get kicked out of their secure
kingdom. So, I stay in my undisclosed location for emergencies.
Oh, the Special Line. “It’s going to be okay.” No matter
what, it will be. I convince myself nearly all the time of that, because as I
told myself during the Vietnam War, when my mother who was ill would panic
about my brother possibly getting drafted. I’d say to myself, “I don’t have a
bomb dropping on my head. I have bread and milk every day. I can walk. I wear
shoes... And I will do all I can to make certain my brother doesn’t get killed
in a war. I will go instead of him.” All that, remains in my mind. It all
worked out. To this day, I process all those thoughts at least once a day.
This morning, I decided I would go to the bank with the letter
sent to her that was contradictory to the email she’d received days ago. The
two items came nearly at the same time. One from what we thought was place she
had the purchase, and the other was from the bank and credit card company. I
arrived at the bank early. And as luck would have it, two of my favorite bank
officers were in. And no customers were in.
I showed both of them the letter and the email. The snail
mail was from them, and it said ‘they recognized the situation and would be
remedying it relatively soon’. Sooner than myself or my daughter thought. The
email was odd though. It was from the vendor she had the purchase with that
should have credited her card. They had the wrong card number and wrong card
type as well. Weird. I was glad that I told her to give no information out to
anyone, and not respond to the email, till I got back to her.
Even though it appears resolved in a matter of days from
now. I pointed out the honest mistake she made, as far as the vendor she used
online. She was trying to be independent. And she’s usually quite savvy. But
like all of us. Every once in a while, we are ahead of ourselves. Until we
crash and burn, losing time and sometimes $100.
I told her, that “…this is adult life. This is a lesson. And continual
drama is unnecessary and draining. Live and Learn and Pass it on. It’s okay to
be upset. But know the mistake. So, it’s not repeated in your life.”
Days from now the conversation will be, “Was it worth the blood
pressure fluctuation? Will it matter five years from now?”
She now knows I am the “Anti-Drama Mama”. So, these little panics our young adults may
have, are a kind of slow version of Pon Farr. Yet, can be just as painful to
them, because it is real. And it’s in their reality.---Jody-Lynn Reicher
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