Skip to main content

May Day! May Day!


I don’t know how many of you awaited the month of May this year. But I know I did, and with grateful anticipation. There were many reasons. One was the ability to plant what I had stratified indoors and outdoors. Watching those items propagate and blossom into mini-trees. Planting seeds in my newly extended garden. As well as watching the perennial vegetables come back to life, once again.


The ability to shed my winter running attire, letting my body get some sun, as a slow tan would begin to build as it does before summer every year. One month closer to my oldest graduating high school. As I know, senior year can be a draining year for most children as they anticipate some freedom from the homes that they’ve know all their lives.


Another reason I’ve looked forward to the month of May is the warmth of the sun, and warm rain that gives us respite from winter’s end doldrums that may begin to occur by February 28th.  At least in my mind and soul it does. I so love to see the birth of new little maple trees in our lawn, surrounded by yellow dafs. I watch the pregnant deer, along with the yearlings of last June’s births. I marvel at it all. And I do wonder, if the rest of the world’s people marvel at it like I do. Nature that is.


I recognize my non-eternity of mortality. If you’re me, you wonder when this all ends… the witnessing of this life on this planet… What then? How can you save the world? Or comment on its beauty? Or hopefully gain gratefulness from afar? No one knows. It is the truth. But I can tell you about the haunted… The haunted flows of what might have been, come May. The May’s of many decades ago or now.  


I ponder these thoughts only today, as I am conflicted as to why I have been increasingly exhausted. It has been a long road to hoe for many years for me. And yet, I still look forward to the month of May.  But this May I am extra exhausted. This is not a complaint, but yet a realization. It is that, this month is a culmination of what may have been and what is not or no longer in existence. And there inly my extra feeling of exhaustion today.


Over fifty years ago I learned of the two deaths of my two brothers I’d never met. Every early May I began to be reminded by that, from my Mother’s melancholy episodes which lay at the edge of each of her tortured moments of her depressive bouts. I knew it was hers and not mine. It was her pain not mine. Only mine to render compassion in her direction when most needed. And that was a simple task for me. Because I know I am blessed with an astounding amount of compassion. Which doesn’t make me special. It just makes me grateful. And that too is a blessing.


So today, in my wonderment of understanding, ‘Why such fatigue?’ I realized my life suddenly changed in the last seventeen months. It was a drastic change, especially for me. And that the tip of the iceberg was in acknowledging what would have been my thirty-seventh wedding anniversary on May 6th.  So, now I remain wearing my wedding band to acknowledge the loss, yet the gain in some spirit that knew who I was for nearly forty years.


I ascertain there is always a logical explanation for how we feel, how we move, how we react. It is something of nightly dinner table discussions with my two daughters.  I am at the very least analytical. I am detailed in thought, as I question everything. Currently, my two daughters may not comprehend the depth of my thinking. Such as, ‘why would anyone go to any great lengths to think so tortured, so deep?’ There is a logical reason. It is to comprehend why we do what we do. It is to learn how to sit back and get out of our own way. This we need in order to remain productive and keep evolving so society benefits in our evolution.---Jody-Lynn Reicher


Popular posts from this blog

Completion of Humanness

Completion of Humanness As we arrive to the completion of the first year without Norman, I had decided long before he'd passed that I would continue to do things certain things he liked yet could no longer do. I decided I would not take a day off of fitness.  I would run at least for 500 days in a row. I began that in early 2020.  I'd not be concerned with the distance I'd run. It was the very thing I convinced Norman and the thing that mattered to him, from the very first discussion we had August 11th, 1981, was fitness. I loved that he was a College Boy. He loved that I was a Marine. We tickled each other's soul with such admirations. Later fitness continued as an old discussion from 1994 ...getting outside and to run no matter what. I would say to him, "Run 200 meters, then 400 meters. If it doesn't feel good, stop. Turn around and walk back home and know you did your best. That is all you can ask of yourself." I said this,  knowing he would get dow

In My World

As I finish putting away the week's groceries, I contemplate other's lives. Aside from my two daughters,  I consider what may be other's lives.  How they have conducted their lives over the past two years.  This is a thought not unusual for me to have. Yet, it occurs more often than not. Especially  now, as the population is probably feeling ever more irked. Regarding perhaps. their illusion of any lack of their freedom. But isn't that what life is about? The illusion of who we are. What we are about. Where we stand on the planet. Who we love. And who loves us. Our significance. Couldn't we imagine if this were all just an illusion? Sounds like a "Twighlight Zone" episode, perhaps. My aim here, are the thoughts of reckoning. I'll explain why I'm claiming such a thing. For about twenty-eight years of a career in dealing with injured athletes,  pain patients, chronically ill and the terminally ill. I found that there were many people who lied to

It Follows Me...

One may wonder what would inspire someone to work hard labor voluntarily. For me it’s the love of many things. It’s the passion that won’t be broken. Because there are so many aspects to such service for me, that it may seem beyond comprehension. I’d compare it to my youthful desire to enter the military as a young child. Then for a multitude of reasons only to follow through thirteen years later at age eighteen entering the Marines. There were things that followed me throughout my life. Sometimes they were questions of how I ever gave up my over decade’s life dream to become a New Jersey State Trooper. My childhood desire to never wed—to never have any serious relationships with another human being. I desired only service in military and law enforcement nearly my whole childhood. Too the extent that even one of my Marine Corps superiors expressed to me last July, “I never thought you’d ever get married. It just wasn’t who you were. You were always a loner.” I replied, “Yeah. I know.