The Higher Source
Everyday, no matter what I am constantly reminded that there is a higher Source. The decisions I am left to make as a mere human being, are not easy. Even with all my time in on this earth, a decision can be difficult. Even, if I’ve already made one, no one would not know I have some doubt. Sure, I can make it look easy and do it fast. I have done that and shocked, and stunned people with what appears to be my own ability to decide.
My husband once remarked, “…You take whatever sticks on the wall.” Then he’d shake his head in wonderment. Yes, truly there is little delay in my decision-making. I go with my gut, or rather at times on a wing and a prayer. There are things I just know; but then they too change as do the Northeast winds of March. And I find myself once again knowing that there are only certain controls in my grasp in this life, here now.
At an early age I learned to play horror shows in my mind as to prepare for what else, horror. Like things I can’t control that appear the worst of miserable. Then I add the touch I hope for, coping calmly. Remaining stoic because, that is what I have been convinced is the best option. Staying private on many things, even happy ones I’ve learned to be quiet. I’m less celebratory on close personal things whereas I witness my peers, relatives and others are not. As well, I try and keep the balance to the other side of heartache. I reason, ‘everyone hurts. No one likes to hear negatives’. Many negatives cannot be resolved without time, patience and perhaps without positive thoughts and the mindfulness of praying.
So, as I ebb and flow with decision making every day, I have been told by some that I appear to be undisturbed by events, decisions, etc… At least that is what appears on the outside most of the time. What people are witnessing is not just practice, discipline or acceptance. It is my reliance on the higher Source. And alone I may be that is of this earth and its air. Yet spiritually deep I am not. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher