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I really never expect...

I really never expect…
 Anyone to help me. Funny, enough. I’ve never thought anyone would ever just volunteer. That is without an agenda, usually costing me money or something. Which I may not have. I look back now, and I know where that comes from.  It comes from the fact that when I needed help the most as a child, it didn’t come in human form.  It either didn’t appear or I learned how to. Or a miracle occurred where somehow, I didn’t have to depend on anyone, that was human. Like the situation resolved or it became less important.
So now here many decades after childhood; I’ve reminded myself throughout my life that no one will just ‘help’ you. Out of the goodness of their heart. I don’t ever expect it. I don’t ever expect anyone to rescue me. I stand alone when my spouse is down. I know all of everything that is presented and occurs in my life, is my responsibility. And that is because, it has always been that way for me. It is that simple.  There is no blame. Because blaming doesn’t pay the bills. It doesn’t win the race or the fight. It doesn’t write the screenplay. It doesn’t write the book. Even when there is someone to blame; I’m mature enough to know that what is, just is. And to move along. Let all the unimportant things of yesterday fall by the wayside.
I let them fall by the wayside, because I have enough to take care of. I have no strength for excess baggage. Nor excess things. Nor excess weight of any kind. I don’t care what people think. I have no time to ponder such frivolous thoughts. I have high enough demands I place on my own life. No one can imagine the demands I put on myself. Nor could they imagine what demands I have agreed to in private with my Maker. ---Jody-Lynn Reicher


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