Life is Short…
“You just have so much energy…” Throughout
my life, I’ve had people blame my apparent youth, youthful attitude, ‘luck’,
etc… As to them witnessing what they think is my high energy. They think I’ve been bestowed this special
gift. They feel that they deserve to have it as well. Coming towards the end of my sixth decade of
living in this vessel called a human being. As well, the other day someone just
passed that aforementioned remark to me.
My husband, a tad older than I, still wags
his head with stuff I do. Yet, he hears
me ask him, “Why am I tired?” Very few
people hear me say that. I despise that
word. Oh, that word… More on that later.
I’ve been accused of “…you must be on drugs”.
Due to my apparent high-energy level when in my twenties. I don’t take an
ibuprofen without calling my internist. Yep. I have a sensitivity to most
medicines, synthetics, etc… I can’t aspirin. I can’t take acetaminophen. I can’t
be near eugenol. Highly allergic to
that. Oh that. It’s used regularly by
dentists. Yep. I go into a dental office; I become ill before the next day,
every time. Actually I become so ill,
that one time I went from weighing one hundred three pounds down to ninety-four
pounds in twenty hours or less time. It’s like what kryptonite is to Superman.
I had a client who was in the medical field.
She wished I had a child that was lethargic, to cut back on my energy
level. That didn’t happen. Both our daughters are high energy kids. Or
they appear that way.
I had people suggest I had an easy life. Well,
I’ve been born in the United States, so that’s lucky. I was born Caucasian, so
that’s lucky. I have no ethnic look that’s apparent, that could be lucky. I can
hide well, because I’m small. That’s lucky.
However, my husband has suggested the Marine Corps bootcamp I went
through before he and I met was ‘Kindergarten’ compared to my childhood, never
mind the rest of my life.
In the past my husband has called me ‘Job’.
Need I say more. Or as a line in Rocky II is said by Rocky’s brother-in-law to
be, Paulie. As Paulie sees Rocky’s face all bandaged up, and Rocky lays in a
hospital bed after a fight. Paulie visiting Rocky’s hospital room after he
comes out of surgery. Paulie remarks, “I wouldn’t want any.” Paulie sees the
destruction without looking under the bandages and knows Rocky’s plight of
being a professional boxer, not only isn’t a pretty one. Yet, it isn’t such an
easy one either.
People who really know me have said that to
me. When they find out who I really am, their envy of my apparent energy
abundance, diminishes. Few remain wanting to be me. The superficial ones that
remain envious are usually the God-less. They lack faith in their own abilities.
Too busy ‘looking over the fence’, as my mother would have pointed out to
anyone within earshot.
So, my appearance of being ‘high-energy’;
is not what it seems. The secret is, since I can remember. I will say, just before
I was age four. I heard over and over and over again, my Dad complaining about
how life was short. You know what that does to a child, so young? Especially, children who see their parent’s
flaws. Yet, out of respect the child says nothing till they’re in their
forties. And even then, the return volley to the parent is delivered delicately.
It tells that child developing, ‘don’t
waste…time’. The flaws I saw from the man stating that ‘Life was Short’, were:
smoking, doing drugs, drinking alcohol excessively, eating bad foods. As well
it was implied to not be lazy or what was seen as lazy. When you are told that ‘Life
is Short’, you’re sent the message to use up every dime of energy you’ve been
bestowed. Every opportunity. Use it.
Always be employable. Even when you’re held in high regard at a job,
work as though you need to be re-interviewed every day that you go into that
job. You’re expendable, no matter who you are or what your job may be. And
there are NO excuses, for not performing tip top every day. That’s a lot of
pressure put on a child, I’d say. At the
same time, if my mother, who was more laid back heard you arguing with your
brother. Her comment was, “Idleness is the Devil’s workshop.”
So, with those two thoughts of NOT arguing.
NOT to throw away any time without doing something productive. That may explain
the appearance of high-energy within another human being, subjected to such
ideologies at a young age. My response has been that I’m not allowed to say I’m
tired. If you did say that in front of my Dad, he would shame you. And convince
you, that by saying that, that you were lazy. “Not worth your salt.” He’d remark.
So, with that, ergo my appearance of
energy. It is that fear of appearing lazy, ungrateful, selfish, unemployable, sickly,
dying, old, etc… Not worth anyone’s time. It’s about shame. It’s about bullying
from a man who did things his way to feel better than others.
However, the one thing I’ve done most my
life. It is now some see it because of social media. Is I take in every day. I
look out the window. I drive mostly without any news or music playing. If the
music is playing, I’m singing with no one to hear, because it feels good. I daydream
when I run, drive, shop, lay in bed before shuteye. I stop and listen to nature as much as I can.
I spend extra time with my clients, yet charge the same as if two hours were
one.
I’ve been fascinated by nearly every storm,
every ounce of weather. Every little animal in our yard is quite often appreciated.
Every weed, every flower most of the time interests me. My energy is not there
a lot of the times. I just make believe it is. I attempt to find something to be grateful for
in every hour of darkness. In my most darkest of times, I act as though there’s
something great I just haven’t witnessed yet. When I can’t, I force myself to
move or to write or to pray to regain an ounce of gratefulness.---Jody-Lynn
Reicher
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