"...Continuously,
thoughts float in and out of my head as if insanity now were really
taking hold. The same insecure feelings I get the day before a
marathon have arrived. It's been nine years of marathon racing and
still, I have little control over these feelings. And the last
fourteen months; have been worse. It's as though the negative
cables in my mind were getting so big, that perhaps, I should now, no
matter what my heart says, go back home, before its too late. Before
anymore humiliation should occur. Saving face. Perhaps being
accepted by society, yet knowing in my heart that I could not accept
myself for the rest of my life.
Then I realize that would be against everything I'd believed in, yet it is logical. Anyone else would quit now. They would save face and pretend they just changed their mind, and that running really never meant anything to them, lying to themselves and others, perhaps. Acting as though they're happy with that choice."
Then I realize that would be against everything I'd believed in, yet it is logical. Anyone else would quit now. They would save face and pretend they just changed their mind, and that running really never meant anything to them, lying to themselves and others, perhaps. Acting as though they're happy with that choice."
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